On Christmas Eve, like most families, I was rushing out the door to get to Christmas Eve service, running late, and we had to stop and pick up our daughter on the way. I wasn’t thrilled. I don’t like being late. I prefer to be early so I can greet people and have a moment of reflection before service.

After picking my daughter up, I make the off-handed comment that I can’t believe we are late, saying, “No telling what we will walk into when we arrive at the church.” My kids both asked what I meant. I responded by saying, “You know, on Easter, Pastor James washed feet, and you just never know what he is going to do.” After the car quieted down, I began to think about how beautiful the feet washing was on Easter, and how loved by God I felt during that experience.

I hadn’t really felt in the Christmas Spirit for several reasons, and I didn’t even want a Christmas tree up. Of course, we put one up anyway. On Christmas Eve, it really was no different. I had done all the things on my list that the Lord had wanted me to do. The few gifts I bought were wrapped and under the tree, and I was putting another check mark on the calendar, Christmas Eve service. It has always been one of my favorite services because I love all the old hymns, Christmas hymns to be exact. But, to be honest, I haven’t ever really felt connected in a Christmas Eve service.

During the service, my Pastor said to the congregation that he was going to ask one person to come forward and take a leap of faith with him, and afterwards, we would have a moment of prayer for anyone who needed it. So I am sitting there thinking, “I don’t need prayer, so I am not going to stand up and ask for prayer. I’ll just sit here and pray for everyone else.” But God had different plans. My pastor asked me, out of all people, if I would come forward and allow him to wash my feet and pray for me. I said sure, in the back of my mind, I am remembering what I said in the car. Just to note, I’ll never turn down prayer from my pastor. I’ve seen too many miracles in the walls of our church, even just within myself, to know the power of what God does through obedience and prayer.

So, I go forward, and he starts talking about who I am and that I have a servant’s heart, and he says something about the fact that oftentimes serving can be a lonely place, and he wanted to pray a year of blessings over me and my family. Now I don’t remember everything he said. I remember how he cried while washing my feet and cried while he prayed over me, and how in that moment I felt somewhat disconnected.

Afterwards, he went around the room, praying for all those who stood up, which by the way was pretty much the whole church; it was beautiful. As I sat there, the Holy Spirit started speaking to me. What no one knew was that that week had been really hard for me. I had only told one person, my therapist, and no one knows her, not even my husband knew. I was feeling like a punching bag for my kids, kids, if you’re reading this, forgive me, but it’s the truth. I love both of you and forgive you. I was also missing some of my family in Louisiana, and I felt left out of family functions. I also was grieving the loss of my father-in-law, who really had been the best fatherly figure I’d had, and he was my dad for the last 21 years. I was hurting and quiet. I knew God was big enough to handle it, and I am also used to bottling it up and not giving it to God.

As I sat there, it was like to Lord came down in that room and wrapped me in His arms and said I see you, I understand you, you are loved, you are seen. I needed that. I needed it in a way that I didn’t even know. It was so healing for me. I don’t even think my pastor really understands the impact that had on me that night, but it was a beautiful ending that wrapped up my year, with the Lord, of many miracles. One day, I’ll have to share how He healed me of a failing liver, but I will hold that for another day. Know that the Lord sees you. He understands you, and you are not alone. In your deepest struggle and greatest victory, He is there. He will never leave you or forsake you, and you can trust Him to meet you right where you are, right when you need Him. All you have to do is reach out to Him. Call out to Him, and He will answer.

If you would like prayer, please feel free to leave me a comment in the comment section, and I will pray for you. You are not alone.